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"I feel completely out of the loop: am I being selfish?"

Our Support Services Team answers your questions every day on the phone, email and social media. Here's a typical question we're getting at the moment and the kind of answer you might expect from us.

Your question:

January 2021

My partner’s just been diagnosed with blood cancer. Because of coronavirus, he’s been asked not to take anyone to appointments at the moment, and I feel completely out of the loop. He doesn’t seem able to tell me anything definite. I don’t want to bombard him with questions, but I really want some idea what’s going to happen now and in the long term. And then I feel selfish about my need to know!

https://media.bloodcancer.org.uk/images/Bav_screen_in_shot.2e16d0ba.fill-530x395.jpg

Our answer:

It’s not selfish to want to know what’s happening to someone you love. And to support him, you do need to know what’s going on with his health.

Is it possible he’s holding back because he doesn’t want to worry you, not realising that for you, more information would be helpful? Perhaps you could discuss how you each feel about talking about health issues. Tell him about your worries and listen to what he has to say. It may help you decide how to share information in a way that works for both of you.

Read up on the subject

You could also do some reading to find out more about his specific condition, particularly if he isn’t keen. Look for trustworthy sources of information like the NHS or cancer charities. Don’t look at everything you find on Google, because it may not be accurate or relevant. We have information about different types of blood cancer online or you can order a booklet for free. You can always check with us which is the right information for you.

If your reading raises questions, write them down. Ask your partner to take these to his next appointment and make a note of the answers. Or perhaps he could arrange a virtual appointment with his keyworker so you can attend and ask questions yourself. Healthcare professionals understand how important it is for you to be involved and will help in any way they can.

You may find it helpful to talk to other people whose loved ones have blood cancer. Look for a carers’ association in your area or join our online forum where you can speak to people who are going through similar experiences. Sometimes it can be helpful just to talk to someone who understands.

Find out more about supporting someone with blood cancer. Here's our full list of questions on topics you may find helpful.

Dawn, support line worker

Worried about anything or have questions?

Contact our Support Services Team

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