Bianca's story

I was able to have my chemotherapy as an outpatient, so I’d go into hospital every two weeks on a Friday morning and be out by the evening. I’d have Friday off work for the treatment and I’d usually take the Monday and Tuesday off as well. By the Wednesday, I was back at work. I was working reduced hours – 10am until 4pm.

But it wasn’t like I was in work ten till four all the time – my employer was really flexible when the side effects became tough to deal with. They were cumulative, so as I started getting further down the line with chemo, the tiredness and the nausea all really kicked in.

If I was feeling poorly, I had a clinical nurse specialist who I could call. Because my employers were flexible and the hospital was so near, I could go in and get checked over and, sometimes, go back to work.

I don’t think I could have worked if I hadn’t lived so close, because walking and transportation were a bit of a nightmare – I was exhausted. The year after I was diagnosed, the whole company moved to laptops and hot-desking, and I think that working from home could have really helped.

I wanted to keep working as I was living in a house-share at the time, so sitting around at home wasn’t ideal. I wasn’t near family either, so I wanted to do it to keep that sense of normality – otherwise I would have gone mad. It did mean that when I got home at 4pm, that was it: my social life was null and void – and that was really challenging.

I told my manager the day I was diagnosed. It was difficult as I’d only been there for a month. But I sat down and said, “Look, I haven’t been feeling very well. I didn’t think it was anything serious, but I’ve just been given this diagnosis and I’m going to be having chemotherapy for six months. I want to work as much as possible during this time. What are the next steps?” I was so lucky that they said, “Do whatever it is that you need to do – we’ll support it.”

I was managing a team of four at the time, and I was brand new. I didn’t want lots of secrecy and murmurings of “Where’s the new girl gone?” – so I was upfront with them and they were really good about it.

My biggest learning was that although I am only one person, I had a whole team behind me. That is what they are there for – you don’t have to do it all yourself. I had to just delegate things – if I couldn’t make a meeting, they’d take notes. On one occasion, I wasn’t feeling particularly great and one of the girls said, “I’ll just come to your house and we can have the meeting there.” That saved a whole lot of hassle.

There were moments when I was really unwell. I remember going in once and just breaking down in front of my manager. It was pretty awkward. I was just sobbing and saying, “I feel so poorly – I feel like I’m failing at my job.” But it was his job to pick that up. He was my manager – he needed to figure out how he was going to support me.

I’m still living with the effects of chemotherapy, physically. Even now, three years down the line, I have bouts of fatigue, which completely wipe me out. And my immune system’s shot to pieces.

A couple of years back, over the course of a year I had about five weeks off work sick with colds and the flu. My manager questioned why I’d had so many days off sick, but it was all ok once I explained that it’s a side effect. And luckily my records were with HR, including a letter my clinical nurse specialist had written.

The emotional impact has also taken its toll. I’ve had counselling, which has helped. Now I have a good work-life balance. If I’m having a really crap day and I feel poorly, I’ll tell them, and I’ll just go home.

I appreciate my personal time so much more and am a big advocate of trying to get out of the office no later than half past six. I want that time at home with my husband – work will still be there the next day.

Janssen-Cilag Ltd has supported Blood Cancer UK with funding for the production of this web page and others within the ‘Living well’ section. It had no influence over the content.